The “C” Word – Day 49 Tough day – but better evening

George had a tough time getting to sleep – and staying that way.  I had some clearly weird dreams and woke up a few times.  By 6AM I just got up and decided to get the laundry done and out of the way and let George try to continue sleeping.

Then, throughout the morning, George kept dropping things and he gets so frustrated with himself when he does that.  It got to a point where I just told him to just go sit and don’t move! 

By early afternoon we were both a little testy.  It is hard to find the balance sometimes.  When to say something, when not to.  At a time like this the last thing you want to be is out of sorts with your spouse but because of all the emotions going on it seems to just happen.  Then you feel bad that you acted out in some negative way.  It’s tough sometimes.

This evening is our annual block party.  Number eight.  This is the first one that I have not been in charge of, having handed over the responsibility to a couple of other neighbors.  There should be nearly thirty people coming tonight, even if only for a short while.  We love our neighbors. This neighborhood has been such a blessing for us.  It is hard to believe we have been here for nine years! 

Although we see a few neighbors on and off during the year, we often do not have time stop and really visit.  This is our once-a-year event and most of us look forward to it.  Although we put an end time of 9PM there are some years that we are out much later.  It is nice to be on a street where we know most of the people – at least at our end of “the block”.   It is not that way in many areas not only in San Jose but around the country. 

So our night should end better than our morning.  We are counting down with just three days to go now – soon it will be just hours that we will be waiting.  I cannot wait for this phase of the waiting to be over. Waiting just drains me – and George as well.  Especially when what we are waiting for is a long surgery and some uncertainties as to what will happen in there.  There’s too much “thinking” during this waiting period. I am tired of waiting….