The C Word – Day 37 Communicating with the Children

Probably one of the hardest things a parent has to do is to tell their children that their parent has a serious illness or has died or that a grandparent has died. Whether on the phone or in person, it is still difficult. 

After Mike died, it was friends who stepped in to help.  One was home awaiting Becke’s arrival from school.  Another was on the phone to the University where Sara was attending school.  They were using whatever avenues they could to ensure that someone would be with her when we broke the news.  They also were making plane reservations for her to fly home on the first available flight and to pick her up from the airport.  I cry just thinking about all the people who stepped in and offered their love and support to us during this crisis.

When we found out that George had cancer, he did not want anyone to know.  I eluded to their being something more than a kidney stone on a Facebook post but did not go beyond that to let anyone know it was an extremely volatile situation.  George “let the cat out of the bag” shortly thereafter assuming to appease any questions.  When I saw his post and knew that the girls had not yet been told I said, “You need to tell the girls before they see the posting.  They, of all people, deserve to hear it from us, not from social media.” George proceeded to make the phone calls.  Though I asked to be in the room when he made them, he started without me.  First Stephanie, then Becke.  He tried to reach Sara but she was not available via phone for a few hours.  He had some tears with the first two.  But when he went to call Sara later that morning he totally broke down.  I asked him why this call was more difficult than the first two.  His reply, “Because she has already lost one (dad).”  And he, of all people, knew how hard it has been for her since she lost her dad. 

I am not sure what happened after we told all the girls.  Stephanie probably was taken by surprise, perhaps cried some.  Becke may have reacted the same.  I do know how Sara reacted as this news came while they were travelling home from vacation.  This news hit her very hard and for the exact reason George had stated to me. 

As we closed ranks as a family, trying to wrap our arms around this diagnosis, so too did our friends close ranks around us.  Those closest to us rallied and started prayer chains going.  Even people we don’t know really well began to surround us in prayer and good thoughts, some sending cards or emails or messages on Facebook.  It is overwhelming and humbling to have this support. 

This disease affects not only George, but myself and the children.  Sometimes in the midst of our own struggles we do not see how it is affecting the kids.  While they try to be supportive they are each struggling to come to terms with it in their own unique ways.  Sometimes they become very quiet, sometimes they make the extra phone call, sometimes they are on the computer doing their own research about the disease.  Everyone copes in a different manner. Since they do not always share their feelings so we can only hope they are doing okay. 

As the prognosis was further developed and a plan of action began falling into place, so too did their hopes that dad would be okay when this is over.  I think they breathed a collective sigh of relief realizing they would have more time with him.  We all breathe a little easier. 

Surgery day will be upon us before we know it.  On that day all of the kids will want and need to be kept informed as the day progresses and will want to know at the end of the day how things went.  With the surgery scheduled for 10-12 hours there will probably be nothing to report until well after 5PM.  But I will text throughout the day if any news is relayed to me. 

One thing that always becomes clearer when crisis hit is the recognition and reminder that family means everything.  We (and they) are need to remember to make more quality time with one another.  Family first should be a priority… always.