The “C” Word – Day 2 Appointments and Waiting

Clock watching started early in the morning.  We knew the doctors’ office did not start taking calls until about 8:30.  We both rose early to get some word done, me arriving to my job at 6:15AM to get a few things done before appointments might take place.  My boss was surprised to see me so early and I explained I might have to leave early, tears rolling down my face as I told him why.

10:15 – the waiting begins.  Wait in the medical office for the doctor to come in.  A few minutes can feel like hours.  The doctor comes bursting through the room and, after checking in about how the kidney stone issue is going asks if we are aware of anything else.  He already has the report.  We let him know that this is the main reason for the visit.  He already has written up orders for a paracentesis procedure.  An ultrasound along with fluid samples from inside the peritoneal cavity. 

After questioning alcohol use (nil), tobacco use (nil), abnormal weight loss (nil), any abdominal pain (nil) the doctor really couldn’t clarify where the root of this evil business is spawning.  He said it is unusual for it to have come “this far along” with no symptoms.  We will have to wait until this first test is done at a minimal.  This test will determine what kind of cells we are dealing with. 

By 10:40 we are out of his office knowing not much more than we did before.  And then we sit at home and wait for the hospital to call to set up the next appointment. Apparently an “IR” needs to approve the procedure requested by the doctor.  That seems kind of strange.

It is 4:30 and still nothing new.  I know we are dealing with an institution but don’t they know that these hours seem an eternity?  Impatience starts to take hold.  Is our life supposed to be on hold?

Our emotions are not quite as rocky for a short time – at least not right after the doctor appointment.  Not that we learned anything there.  Not that the doctor gave us words of encouragement, because he really did not do much to alleviate our feelings.  Maybe it was just that we crossed the first hurdle, doctor appointment number one.  And then we start to think further about the appointment.  That’s the problem.  Too much time to think.

The elephant is not entirely gone. He lurks around the corner and weighs heavily on our chests now and again.  What we think about today are a couple of things the doctors said.  “This far”.  What does that mean exactly? 

When pushed into a corner and asked if it is treatable he quickly says “no” and then stops and rewords things.  He says, “once we know where it is coming in we can determine treatment”.  It’s the “no” that sticks with us.  We do not like that word.  Like phrases from Green Eggs and Ham (Dr. Seuss), “I do not like that Sam I am.” 

It will be at least a few days before we know anything else.  Once we finally have the ultrasound/specimen done we will have to await an appointment with the oncologist.  In the meantime. we wait… and wait… and think… and worry… Sleep comes fitfully and fleetingly… God please grant our minds some rest tonight.