The C Word – Day 12 One plus one is greater than two

Marriage is never about just two people.  It is also about the families that come along with the couple – from in-laws to siblings and so on.  When it is a second marriage there are may also be other children in the mix.

And so today, the final day before whatever is to come tomorrow, I will concentrate on the importance of understanding why God chose this family for me.

The road of blending two families is not always easy.  I was raised in a very easy-going family, everyone got along, family functions were often very large reaching out to all the aunts, uncles and cousins.  Holidays were spent visiting other family members or welcoming people into the house.  George was, well let’s just say that his experience was far different from mine.  We have struggled to find the middle ground between our two views of holidays, how to have family functions, etc.  He lets me have my way now and again, sometimes begrudgingly, but he concedes once in a while.  There have been and continue to be times where some of his family members do not speak to one another.  That has been the most challenging for me to deal with.  I have learned that we are not guaranteed a “tomorrow” so there is not enough time in this world to harbor hatred for anyone.   BUT… I am here for a reason… well, more than one I am sure. And George is also in my life because of God’s reasons.

Included in these reasons could be:

Being a step-parent:  A fine balance between allowing our children to fully love their “real” parents, allowing said parents to be the primary persons in their lives and being there for them for advice.  With Mike gone, George has tried to be a role model for them, trying not to overstep his boundaries.  He is not their dad, just as I am not his daughter’s mom.  Over time we have gained the trust of one another’s children and we have been able to complement each others’ strengths to help our children in their lives.

Being a caregiver:  I have been thrust into the role as a caregiver, not to my mother, but to my mother-in-law.  While it is somewhat easier for me to deal with (because, after all she is not my mother) it is none-the-less a trial in patience, love and understanding.  There are times I wish things were different.  I would like nothing better than to be carefree again, running in the moment rather than having to plan every little thing far in advance. When I lost my own mom, though, I was angry that she was taken from me far too soon (in my opinion) when the person in the next room was losing her brain function every day.  It wasn’t fair. But God has chosen to make me appreciate my home, has allowed me to build a beautiful yard and lovingly has decided that I still need to work on that “patience” thing.

Being a spouse:  When this relationship first started, it was George who watched over me as I went through the grieving process of losing my first husband.  He was attentive, he allowed for me to just feel what I needed to feel and respected the relationship that I’d had with Mike.  We take care of each other, confide in each other, encourage one other. 

And now it is my turn to hold him in my arms and comfort him.  I haven’t yet figured out “why me” or rather, “why not me?”  It is still too early for that.  I imagine that there will be times I will feel overwhelmed caring for a husband who is not feeling too great and a mother in law who can’t remember if she locked her door or made her bed and, eventually, may not remember who we are.  I will probably learn that I will have to “give it up” and ask for more assistance than I do now (and that process has already started as we look for an evening caregiver for Mom).  I will have to learn to pray more often, something easily forgotten during the good times.  I will learn to live in those quiet moments, holding George, loving him.  I will always seek times for him to spend with his children and grandchildren.  Precious moments. I don’t know what God has planned.  I don’t know if it will be good or bad as of this moment.  I do know that there are many people pulling for us, rooting us on, hoping for the best and that is more than anyone can ask for. 

When we go to bed tonight we most assuredly are feeling the tension mounting.  Tomorrow begins the true start of this journey, whatever it is.  The not knowing piece is extremely difficult to bear.  We are glad to have so many prayer warriors lifting us up because on our own we cannot do this.  Tomorrow we will let everyone know what we find out.  And our journey will continue…..