The C Word – Day 18 Making lists

I am always making lists.  Menu and grocery lists.  Housekeeping lists.  Lists at work for who to call and what to do each day.  I think I have been making lists for a long time as it helps me to focus on what I need to remember to do as I can get easily distracted.

I never thought I would be making these kinds of lists…

… legal paperwork – being sure trusts are up to date

… banking – making sure the right accounts are put under the trusts

… lists of who will be doing what over the next few months

… questions to ask the oncologist, the surgeon, the chemotherapist

… lists of actions that need to take place before surgery… after surgery… hospital bed?

… notes to remind to add to lists or make new lists.

What?  When did my life go from the mundane to the life changing sorts of questions?  Every day the need to write down lists of new thoughts or questions comes into play lest we forget to remember something or ask something.  Lists are harder to make when here are so many nuances or when you are not sure what the next appointment will shed light on or if things will go in a totally different direction.  Lots of uncertainties so you try to figure out what those might be and add them to one of the myriad of lists. 

Today we were able to pick up copies of all of the CT scans, the 2 most recent ones and one done back in 2007 when George had a prior kidney stone.  Of note was the fact that the radiologist had suggested that further CT scans and tests be done because they observed a 4mm calcified growth near the small bowel.  Interestingly, this was never discussed by anyone in either the emergency room or with the general doctor.  We are not even sure he ever saw the scans as the kidney stone went away.  This growth is nearly doubled in size though still relatively small as growths go.  The oncologist said that this verifies that whatever is going on is happening at a very slow rate.  We have that “on our side” – that decisions we make are not critically urgent so we can review information, doctors, etc. and not feel the pressure that this needs to happen yesterday.  We do, however, want to get this taken care of and sooner than later as it weighs heavily on us (especially on George).  As he puts it “I just want this nightmare to be over.” 

I am confident that all of the prayers going on all over the world are leading us down the path we must take.  It will place the right doctors in our path and the right treatments for the best results will happen.  While this is a nightmare, we have had some very nice people to deal with thus far and I have no reason to believe that the rest of this journey will be filled with them as well.  My confidence will need to carry George through all of his doubts in his journey.  I pray that I can remain steady and unwavering in faith as we continue to walk this road.