The C Word – Day 15 Dealing with Changes

While yesterday was frustrating, it brought to light issues that are going to take place and ones we need to deal with.  This is only the beginning of the journey and the road will not be an easy one.

Reading about the surgery (or surgeries) that will need to take place is daunting.  We hope the oncologist finds a local surgeon though we have not read of anyone in our area who has performed any number of these surgeries. The nearest one with the most experience is San Diego, an eight hour drive from home. 

We have read that with the major surgery option for this PMP, the prognosis is decent.  We have read stories from survivors and even a classmate of mine knows of someone who has been through this process as well.  That gives us hope.  Not that there is not anxiety, but there is hope. 

Hubby is anxious and taking his Ativan to help curb it a little bit.  Today is 49er football (sorry to my East Coast family who are not 49er Faithfuls).  Actually, having football season starting is a good thing because that will occupy hours every week on Sundays, Monday nights, and Thursday nights. 

We have started the process of find an evening caregiver for my mother-in-law.  I met someone while working on the Walk to End Alzheimer’s who has a caregiving business and has experience with and a heart for Alzheimer’s.  She is a sweet person and I think she will do well by us.  She says that their care can grow and change with us – and we will need that.  She will meet with George’s sister tomorrow evening to finalize things.  Starting next week (well after some training), I will no longer need to worry about rushing home to care for mom.  If George and I want to go out for dinner, we can do so.  If we have late afternoon or evening appointments we can do so without worry or additional planning on our part.  One less thing on my plate… and as time moves on if we need additional hours or overnight care, we will have the avenue to make that happen. 

We have not yet told mom about George’s health concerns.  With the Alzheimer’s affecting her we feel that, until it really impacts her, we will wait until it is necessary.  We never know what details she will remember and which ones she won’t.  Sometimes I wonder about “mother’s intuition though.  The other night when I heard her moving about after she’d been in bed awhile I went to check on her.  When I asked her what was the matter she commented that “she’d been looking for George”.  She said that she must have been dreaming and in her dream George was in an accident or something and he was badly hurt, I was with him (I don’t remember if she said we were both hurt), and we were in another city.  It was as if some instinct in her very warped and hazy brain had kicked in and she felt something was wrong with him and that he was not at home but somewhere else.  That will be the case in the near future but for that moment in time she had some inner gut feeling that registered.  It was very weird to hear her speak what I know is the future.

Like Mary Poppins, “the winds are changing” i.e., the times they are changing whether we like or not.  Our feelings, thoughts and prayers will ebb and flow throughout the journey.  My ability to be flexible will be challenged as will my patience.  We both will be challenged in ways we never expected to be.  Change is inevitable for everyone, some are just bigger than others.