The C Word – A New Battle Day 7 - Memories

Preface:  I did an interim blog this morning about what was going to be happening today at the hospital - - so am taking a welcome break from reporting icky stuff and do something different. I will tomorrow if anything significant happens today or during the day tomorrow. I think today is all about George sleeping while they push fluids, platelets and plasma into him. 

After a rough couple of days, today I want share some memories and relationship thoughts.  This came to me after Facebook popped up a memory from the day George proposed – 14 years ago today. 

George and I had been dating for over two years and I’d been pushing him to “do something”.  We had booked a 4 day cruise from LA to Catalina Island and Ensenada.  Originally we had planned on all four daughters to go with us but, as it turned out, his two had work obligations and couldn’t get the time to go with us.  Unbeknownst to me he had enlisted the help of Sara and Becke to “find the right place” on the ship.  His requirement was mainly a quiet place where not too many people were around.  Also unbeknownst to me, our table mates on the ship had all been informed that he was going to propose.  This meant that at night when we sat down to eat they would check to see if there was a ring on my finger.  Having seen none, they would not say anything. 

This particular night we were somewhere in the waters between Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico.  After dinner we all took a walk, the girls taking the lead.  We wandered up to what during the day was the topless sun deck - - but by night was really off limits.  But - - it was a quiet, secluded place.  The girls witnessed as George proposed.  I don’t remember that I didn’t say yes, or that my responses did not show that it was a yes – but George says he kept waiting for a response and tears was not what he was expecting!  I guess he finally clued me in that I had not responded.  Immediately afterward the girls went running off - - to the ships computers to send out messages to everyone!  And here we are, nearing our 14^th anniversary (16 years since we met). 

My girls:  What can I say?  I have the most amazing kids.  Sara, Steph, Becke (in order of age).  Two biological, one “inherited”.  Though we’ve all encountered some rough patches as mother and daughter, as the years go on our bonds have become stronger.  They look to me as a role model for the way they lead their lives.  I guess if I have any sort of legacy, the kind of women they have become and are becoming is about as good as it gets. 

As we’ve been walking this cancer journey together, they have taken on the role as cheerleader for me.  I am touched by all the things they think and say about me.  Humbled.  For me, I am not doing anything out of the ordinary.  I am “just me”. 

My “love buttons”, Addison and Isabella:  Whoever said there was no bigger joy than becoming a mom has not experienced being a grandmother. My heart burst with joy.  I was fortunate to be able to spend the first month with them as I helped Becke with their care.  Since they were babies I have been able to schedule “YaYa and Poppy” time at our home at least a week or two every year.  They have boundless energy and are full of love.  We have created an incredible bond as grandparents to these cute little girls.  I think the fun memories are of them sitting with Poppy as he tells them made up stories and when they spend time doing “Face Time” on the weekends.  I hope those are favorite memories of theirs (as well as “chiggerbites” time with him.

 

My role model was my mom who always had room in her home and her heart for just about anyone who walked in the door.  Our home was one that always was filled with not only biological family but “adopted in love” as well.  I don’t recall that I was ever jealous that there were other “kids” in the family – because her heart was big enough to include everyone.  She made family gatherings look easy.  She never minded if an extra plate had to be set at the table.  Although for my childhood and youth she was a stay-at-home mom, she kept busy with volunteer work such as being a Girl Scout leader.  Later she managed to go out into the workforce and do other things that she loved to do.  As they aged I started calling Mom and Dad on a weekly basis just to give my mom time to talk about her week.  After he died, my siblings and I rotated days and made sure someone checked on her every day.  I used to get up on Saturday mornings at 7AM and take a walk while I talked to her.  I miss those conversations.  I miss the “connectedness” we had where we just talked about whatever we wanted.  We did not have to agree with one another but could listen and share how things were going.  Once a year I would fly home and spend a week with her (and Dad when he was alive).  We had an easy going relationship and could talk about so many things.  Plain and simple, I miss Mom.  I’m so glad I got an opportunity go get a 4 generation photo of her in 2009.

While I love all of my siblings, I have a special place in my heart for my sister.  While our age difference is 7 years, a lifetime apart when we were young – this gap was long ago bridged.  (A funny thing occurred to me just now…. Our age difference is the same as the spouses of two of our children!!)  Over the years she has come to California to spend time with us and we have been able to be guests at her house on occasion as well.  Her children are closest in age to  mine and thus our children are also comfortable around each other.  Her daughter and my Becke looked so much alike when they were younger we used to refer to them as “the twins” (little did we know Becke would get her own twins later!).  Since Mom has died, Beth and I have become even closer as we rely on each other to share our intimate feelings and work through some of the difficulties life has thrown our way.  The saying, “Sisters by birth, Friends by choice” is so very true. 

Aside from these that I speak of above, I have other relationships that have meant a great deal to me.  Of course, my late husband Mike was a huge influence on me.  My brothers, aunts, uncles and cousins were and continue to be important.  I have a circle of loving, caring friends who have done so much for me over the years.  My “angels on earth”, spiritual, caring people.  I’ve had co-workers that I’ve formed a bond with.  A few high school friends and my college roommates.  Some of these relationships are ones that have been nurtured over the years.  Many go without contact for months or years but whenever the opportunity comes to re-connect, the time apart melts away completely as we shift into our easy, fun-loving relationships that began so many years ago. 

All of these relationships are important to me in varying ways.  I know I can count on extra prayers, special notes, a quick text that will come when I need it the most.  I have a feeling that over the next few years I will come to rely on them more than I already do.  While I may not always say it, I hope you ALL know that I appreciate you being in my life. 

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown