The C Word – A New Battle Day 20 - August 9 – then and now

It was a pretty quiet night last night.  At least we did not have constant nurse interruptions or unnecessary conversation taking place all the time.  Since the feeding tube and IV were not yet started it gave us a little extra time to sleep.  I had to get up at midnight for pain and antibiotics.  Had problems with the J tube – it was clogged so couldn’t do the pain meds.  Had until 6AM before the next round of the same meds.  George got up a few times during the night to use the bathroom but, thankfully, with using the recliner he did not need my assistance getting up and down to get there.  Still no luck with the J tube at 6AM so decided to wait for the nurse to help us unclog it. 

Today is our first full day at home - - yet it was JUST two years ago today that we got the diagnosis of cancer. 

Here is what I wrote in my very first journal two years ago:  “ I am not sure if I understand God’s humor and his wisdom right now.  I have yet to determine just exactly which one he is imparting on us right now.

Our day had started off ordinarily enough.  Getting Mom up and ready for Sarahcare, having breakfast, and then we starting off to accomplish a few errands.  In the middle of one of those errands George looked at me with a strange face and said, “Oh no.”  At first I was thinking he forgot his credit card but he then said that he was having the start of the same kind of pain he had when he passed a kidney stone back in 2007. 

We quickly went home to deposit the items we had purchased that morning and to assess whether or not a trip to the emergency room was in order.  In short order the pain level increased significantly and we found our way to the hospital.

Although we made it into a room quickly, we ended up waiting longer than the prior trip for a doctor or nurse to come in.  It was probably an hour before a pain medication was given and almost two before they hung an IV with liquids in it.  In the meantime George went through the routine test for kidney stone; blood and urine samples and a CT scan.  And then we waited and waited.

The doctor finally made his way to our room and the first thing he said was, “Do you have any other health issues going on?”  George replied that he did not and then the next words out of his mouth were shocking.  The radiology report indicated peritoneal cancer “seeds” that had metastasized.  He asked if George had undergone a colonoscopy and, yes, he had one done within the last year and it did not show anything cancerous.  He went on to say that we would need to follow up with our regular doctor for more tests to determine the point of origin.  And just like that our lives are turned upside down. 

Disbelief…. Shock…. Concern…. Worry… Plans?? 

Kidney stone?  What’s that?  Yes, he has a small kidney stone to pass but that seems so insignificant compared to the “C” word. 

Is this God’s sense of humor trying to make us scared and telling us that we need to appreciate what we have – because maybe it isn’t cancer, maybe it’s something else.  Maybe it will turn out to be something serious but something that is treatable and curable?  Will we laugh when we look back at this?

Or is this God’s sense of wisdom, allowing us to have a more time to plan and “end of life” plan.  If this is indeed what the initial prognosis is, it is not good.  If we had not gone in to find this kidney stone, this cancer would have gone undetected until very late in the game.  Too late to do any planning. 

Whatever it is, I don’t like it.  I don’t like it at all.  When Mike died it was totally unexpected, happened in a moment.  This time, if terminal cancer is George’s fate, I will have to watch it play out.  Neither way is acceptable. I can only pray that this is a treatable and curable cancer as that is easier to swallow than the other option. But God has a plan…. and now we have to wait a few more days for this plan to play out in our lives.”

And here we are today, home after 19 days in the hospital.  While we’ve had nearly two years believing that George’s cancer would be controlled by the first CRS/HIPEC surgery, today the picture is much different than that.  Still digesting the news of the latest surgery.  Aside from the “shock and awe” of a cancer diagnosis two years ago, the feelings are nearly the same.  The elephant has found its way back into the house.  This time we know what it is, we are able to speak about it for brief periods of time for now. 

The in home nurse came this morning and showed me how to do the IV antibiotic meds as well as how to hook up the tube feeding.  She described and then watched me do both.  She also watched as I cleaned and flushed the PICC lines and the wound area.  She was quite satisfied that I am competent in handling what needs to be done here.  The rest of our day was spent resting, napping.  I managed to go outside and do some garden watering and checking the sprinklers to ensure they are all working okay.  George has had a couple of small meals – still not very much, but more than he has eaten in a while in one sitting.  In a few hours we start ramping up our evening schedule as I get ready to hand his IV at 6PM (takes about 30 minutes to run) and at 8:00 hook up his “snack” (that’s what it was called in the hospital) which will run until 6AM.  I will need to get up at midnight and 2AM but hope to catch some good zz’s between 2:30 and 6:00 at least!  On Thursday we will find out if we can discontinue the IV meds and that will decrease middle of the night events.  Any extra sleep time is good!! 

We will settle into a routine for the next few days, a temporary routine.  As the days go on it should become somewhat easier to handle.  I can hopefully get in to work for a few hours next week in between medication treatments. 

Then….. and Now…. So much has happened in the past two years.  We have been through some unbelievable challenges.  It’s not done yet.  We don’t know what the next two years holds.  I hope I can look back at that point and say that things have gone much more smoothly than we expected.  Gotta have some hope!!