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Wow,
just a wave of emotions today. Feeling
like the low point of the roller coaster today.
Emotions are so surface level today.
Had
some rough patches overnight. There is a
pain medicine, hycet (acetaminophen w/hydrocodone) that George has been
receiving via his feeding tube several times a day. The night shift last night told him he would
be taking it orally. (It’s liquid). He did – and promptly vomited it up. Horrible, horrible. This morning she gave him a different form of
it orally and he did okay.
When
Dr. B came in this morning we told him about it and he said that it is NOT to
be done orally. The orders even say to
do it by feeding tube. He let the charge
nurse know who let the nursing supervisor know.
Last
night the feeding tube was reinstated as well as a full diet (he can eat
anything he wants). Trouble is, he is
not hungry at all. He ate two bites of
toast this morning for breakfast and mid-afternoon ate a few bites of mac and
cheese. He is still battling nausea for
some reason.
When
we talked to Dr. B I inquired about George’s labs and the fact that his WBC is
still on the rise as well as platelets.
His RBC is low and has not risen at all in the past week. Belief is that he has an infection going on
but is unknown what it is. Another CT
scan will be done tomorrow. His BP and
temp have been fine… AND he has been on IV antibiotics twice a day since
surgery. Kind of frustrating.
At
about 10AM this morning Georges’ bowels started acting up again. Just before 3 I texted Dr. B and told him
that George had been to the bathroom 5 times in 6 hours…. A few minutes later I
said, “Make that six”. Poor guy. Dr. B said he cannot up the anti-diahrrea
meds until a cdif/colitis test is done.
I said, “The last time we went through this it took 2 days and 80 trips
to the bathroom before the tests came back.
It was really tough on George.” I
heard a few hours ago that he is somehow expediting some testing and will know
by late tonight what the results are and, if negative, will put him right on
more meds to control it. If positive, then the antibiotic will need to be
changed. Praying for the first result,
not the second.
On
top of all of this, George’s anxiety was rising because he knew I was planning
on spending the night at home. I’m sure
that didn’t help the bowel issues. I
explained that if he is coming home by the weekend or over the weekend that I
needed some serious uninterrupted sleep in order to be ready to take over his
care 24/7. Just before I left I told him
to request his Ativan to help calm him down some.
As
I drove away I was crying – it was just like a mother leaving her child at
daycare for the very first time. My
heart was breaking that I needed to leave him there so I could take care of
myself.
A
friend stopped by today and we had a chance to chat. I haven’t seen her too often but she is one
of my “angels on earth”. We were talking
about what was going on with George and what options there were. As hard as I try, I am having a hard time
holding out hope that there is any treatment available for George. That I can’t see him going through any more
surgeries to remove even partial tumors, etc.
These surgeries have been so very difficult for him. I teared up while talking to her – something
I haven’t done in front of too many people since this all started two weeks
ago.
I
think this is all proof that I needed time away from the hospital, taking
advantage that George has some care there.
I have developed some relationships with some of the nurses and CNA’s so
feel that they will really respond to help him tonight and the next few nights.
This
evening I have the twins with me. It is
National Night Out so Sara, Mandy, Chloe and Jacob and the 3 of us went to our
park for a barbecue. The kids got to
meet some of the police and fire men as well as play at the park. Then home for a bubble bath for the girls and
now they are enjoying some quiet time watching Disney TV. I haven’t seen them sit so quietly in a long
time. They will be asking to go to bed
pretty soon! (Thank you Auntie Sara for wearing them out!) I needed some special cuddle time tonight
with “my babies” – so precious they are to me.
Becke will pick them up in the morning after their special night
away.
Tonight
for the first time in nearly two weeks I will get to sleep with interruptions
from George or nurses or any of that. I
look forward to sleeping in my own bed, albeit alone. I have a feeling it will be a while before
George sleeps upstairs.
Although
our target date for him to come home is Friday, I am not yet convinced that
will happen as we need to figure out what type of infection he has. Another CT scan is scheduled for tomorrow to
see if they find anything. The drain he
had put into his abdomen on Thursday has been not doing much so whatever leak
there was appears to be gone. Although
George managed to get himself up and about for 2 walks today, he is so drained
and so tired. He is frustrated with his
progress – and even though he is making progress it is very slow for him. This surgery has been more difficult for him
in some ways than the first one.
I
am hoping that a good nights’ sleep helps me put things into perspective. I hate feeling hopeless about this
situation. I know that we don’t have all
the answers yet and I shouldn’t have foregone conclusions. But I do. I find myself praying that George
heals well enough in order to enjoy whatever time he has left with us. I absolutely hate to sound all doomsday. Hate, hate, hate it! I wish I could turn back the clock a few
years and get a do-over. This new
reality sucks. George is just now
starting to absorb all of this and he is scared as well.
So,
here we are – another sucky Tuesday.
Another tough day for us even though there were some positive things
that took place today. I want to close my eyes and wish to wake up to find out
this is all a bad dream. God, I pray for
miracles today. Give me a miracle!
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