The “C” Word – Day 59 Rambling thoughts

Today is one week post-operative.  The original time frame for George to come home is just 4 days away and I do not see that happening. 

He is still using a walker (although there have been a couple of occasions when he walked 5-8 feet without one.  He gets dizzy quite easily.  Not sure if this is low potassium levels (and they keep putting some through his IV) or if it is because he is still not really eating a lot.  This morning while I was at work the PT came by and took him for a walk down the hallway.  I guess he did pretty well but came back, got in bed and slept for about 3 ½ hours.  His sister tried to offer him various things to eat or drink, and encouraged him to do his leg exercises. He would have none of that. 

Today he drank more “different” things besides water – chocolate milk, grape juice, cranberry juice.  He is still not really eating.  We ordered Cheerios for breakfast and he may have nibbled on ten of them before stopping.  He started leaning towards drinking just water again which is not good.  No calories there.  They finally sent up some Ensure Clear Very Berry flavor and he loved that.  When I tried to order more I was told that the doctor has to order that for him.  What the f*???  Finally we find a liquid that has good calorie content and some good vitamins and we can’t order it??  They will change his regular ensure order to strawberry  - which they said would be delivered at 7PM but here at 8:30 there is no sign of it.  It took well over an hour to get the juices and milk I ordered after I got here from work today.    I got him to eat about ¼ cup of cheerios with a little milk at dinner time.  I guess that is progress. 

I am feeling a little bit like I have to be the Nazi here.  I feel like I am doing the job of the staff who should be making him get up, getting him washed up, making him take a walk, making him sit up.  What I have observed is that if he tells them he is tired or out of breath or whatever, they leave him be.  That is the worst thing for him.  He cannot do any of his activities of daily living right now – he won’t get to the sink to brush his teeth.  If you bring it to him he will do it.  Today, he did not even want to brush his teeth.  He cannot wipe his own bottom still.  Cannot change his gown.  Cannot pick up the room phone and order something to eat.  He cannot move enough to use the buttons to make his head go up or down on the bed.  The only things he seems capable of doing on his own is push the button for pain medication, reach for a glass of beverage (he could pour himself a cup if we could get him to sit where the tray is more accessible) and sleep.  He can do his leg and arm exercises iand the volumetric spirometer (breathing apparatus to help expand the lungs) though needs reminding to do so.  He is supposed to be able to get the unit up to at least the 1000 point marking by now (and eventually 1500) but can only get to 500 most of the time with an occasional 750. 

I get the feeling that something else is going on in his brain.  Some kind of fear, anxiety.  I talked to him a little bit tonight to try to get him to open up.  He admitted that it was “the same old anxiety”, (which I would interpret as the fear of the surgery), but, upon asking him to explain further he said he fears that he is not making any progress.   I agreed with that to some degree.  He has made progress but it has been so slow, slower than we would like.  I don’t know if that has to do with the fact that he is resistant to putting in effort to do those things that will help him get well again.

 I told him about my fear of having to be the Nazi and having him resent me for that.  He agreed that I needed to push him.  But he said he is so tired.  I know that, I get that, but we have to push beyond that tiredness and WORK toward getting well.  He has talked to a number of friends who have undergone surgeries and they are all telling him the same thing, that he needs to sit up and move about.  Even the night nurse today said it is important to move around.  Laying in bed is causing swelling to his feet (edema) and moving around would certainly help that.  It would also help if he could lay flatter to equalize the blood flow to his legs but he cannot lay anywhere near flat because it causes him to not be able to breathe.  I suggested he might want to try to lay on his side with a pillow but he is not ready to explore that option just yet. 

This evening, after sitting in the chair for a couple of hours, the nurse came in for his vitals and they were so much better than when he is in bed.  I told him that is further proof that sitting (and eventually moving about) are what he really needs to do in spite of being tired.  That is the best therapy for him. 

So, tomorrow I will make sure that Keith and Rosemary push him to sit up, to move about and I pray that he listens and obeys willingly knowing that the prize is to go home soon. 

I pray for strength for me to be able to keep him motivated without causing too much strain on our relationship.  I pray that he is more receptive to trying harder so we can leave this place and not have to go to a transitional facility.  [Underneath it all George is hoping that they will say he can have a hospital bed on the first floor!!!  He is losing hope that he will be able to climb the stairs.  For anyone following this journey through the “C” world, please continue to pray for strength, for release of anxiety, for calm and peace, for healing. Pray for George’s appetite to start returning because he needs the nourishment.    Thank you for following me on this twisty winding road that sometimes appears to have no end in sight.  I know there is, we will get there.  As a good friend of mine says, “Little by slow”.