The C Word – Transitions

We spend our entire lives making transitions, don’t we?  From infant to toddler, toddler to preschool, preschool to elementary school, child to teenager, teenager to adult. 

We transition from one grade to the next, hopefully learning lessons about life along the way.

We also transition from one location to another, perhaps because of work or family, or the need to get away from the city or back to the city. 

Job transitions, maybe as we gain more experience or find better jobs suitable to our needs at a given moment. 

So many transitions, day in and day out.

No matter how many transitions we have grown accustomed to throughout our lifetime, nothing really prepares us for the transition from life to death.  For most of us, this is formidable.  It is huge.  So many questions and fears invade the crevices of our brain.  Since there aren’t really many people who have come back from death, there are so many unanswered questions.  The questions are not always so much about the “after” of death, but the process of dying.  Will it hurt?  Will I know when it happens?

There are other real questions and fears.  Such as, “will my loved one be okay without me”?  Fear that their loved one may forget about them.  Not wanting them to mourn and miss you – yet wanting them to mourn and miss you in the same breath. 

Utter terror of the process.  Afraid there will be a lot of pain.  Not yet wanting to leave.  Fear.  Sadness.  Panic. Terror.  So many mixed-up emotions.

I feel we are about to move into this transitional phase.  This week George had his first bowel obstruction that did not clear on its own within 24 hours.  Most have resolved themselves in fairly short order.  Right now, there is an obstruction that doesn’t appear to be clearing.  This is likely due to tumors squeezing on his intestinal walls not allowing passage of food. 

He had his first Ng tube inserted last night in the emergency room.  Over the past 24 hours, a lot of fluids are being drawn out of his belly in a myriad of colors.  They observe the output to determine whether or not the obstruction seems to be clearing.  The less output, the better.  Unfortunately, things have not slowed down at all which means there is still a blockage.

In the next 24-48 hours, the doctors will watch to see if there is any change and then determine what the next step is in regards to care. He obviously will need some nutrition and the only way to get that if he can’t eat the calories is to administer TPN (IV Nutrition).  This completely bypasses the stomach as it is absorbed through the blood stream.  The next issue becomes “for how long”.  And yet another issue is putting in a Gastric tube (G-Tube) to allow the belly to continue to drain.  (Our “fun fact” for the day: We learned that the stomach will still produce bile/fluid whether or not you eat or drink.  It will produce approximately one liter a day.)

The end appears to be staring us in the face, taunting us.  It is daring us to give in.  Yet we still continue to fight, literally, for every possible breath, every possible moment to stay here. 

I am reminded of a church friend who passed a little over a year ago.  We had been told that Mary had yet another cancer (I think she had 5 different ones) and she was in the hospital.  We arrived expecting to find her weak, pale, not doing well.  Imagine our surprise when we entered the room and she was beaming from ear to ear.  It was the same Mary we had grown to love, the one who could talk your ear off, had praise for everyone, full of life and zest.  She had cookies and pastries for her hospital guests.  She told us that she’d been working on her memorial service for quite some time.  She had chosen where it would be (had to be a big church because she expected a lot of people).  She had chosen her music (as a pianist and church organist, I imagine it was hard for her to whittle down her favorites to a choice few).  She had worked as an organist or teacher in a myriad of churches so she had passages and roles for every pastor, preacher or other church leader with whom she had worked over the years.  Moreover, she was so joyful.  She told us she was so excited to meet Jesus and go to Heaven.  She couldn’t imagine a more beautiful place.  She had no regrets.  No doubts.  Just pure Trust in our One and Only Sovereign God. 

I have to admit, I am envious of her attitude.  She seemed to have it all figured out.  She was the most honest, real person I had met in a long time.  She was ready.  I can imagine all the hoopla in Heaven when she arrived.

Shouldn’t that be our goal.  She made being at peace with the Maker look so easy.  It should be.  But I think that so many of us get hung up on other things that it makes it very difficult to be at peace, to come to terms with our own mortality.  We live such involved humanly lives that we don’t want to give that up.  We try to bargain, to deny, to put off the inevitable.  We don’t want to say goodbye.  We are anxious about our loved ones and worry how they’ll be when we are gone.  We don’t want to miss our children or grandchildren’s milestone events – birthdays, graduations, weddings, anniversaries. 

Yet every single one of us will one day make this transition from human life to human death.  Every single one of us.  There are no exceptions.  Most of us do not want to think about it, do not want to consider it, do not want to leave our loved ones.  We fight with all of our might to exist for as long as we can – sometimes even when the odds are stacked against us.

As Christians, why isn’t our eye on the “prize” – a life of eternity in the hereafter?  A life full of goodness and hope, light and joy, of existence in the presence of God and of Jesus? 

Life as we know it will come to an end.  For some it will be sooner than others.  In our house, it is far more likely that George is transitioning sooner than later.  There is nothing we can do to stop God from reaching down his hand and taking George home… when it is his time.  Nor is there anything we can do for anyone – for when God takes someone home, it is in his time.  There is no obvious rhyme or reason (at least not always) – it just IS. 

As we prepare to transition to whatever is next for us, we must deal with all of the emotions that go along with it.  My prayer is that we can do it with as much grace as we can muster up.