The C Word – A New Battle Day 278 - The Beginning of the End

This week I wind down my “career” at the Blind Center.  When I started there four years ago, I was at a place in my life where I needed diversion.  My mom had dies months earlier which threw me into a mental downspin.  My husband was working full time. And, though I had not held a job in more than a half dozen years (by choice), I found that I had too much time on my hands.  I started as a volunteer, working two half days for a few months.  That morphed into 1 ½ days and then, voila!  It morphed into a nearly full time job (30 hours a week) even though the prior staff did a forty hour a week work load.

Over the course of the four years there I also was a part-time caregiver for George’s mom.  What is it they say – if you want something to get done, find someone who is already busy!  As the years progressed there were times when taking care of mom required almost as many hours as my job at the center.  But work was my place where I got as much or more than I felt I gave.

And then, nearly 3 years ago we got the news of George’s cancer.  But, again, work was a place I could go to and put some distance between me and the cancer.  As long as I kept busy, my brain did not have time to think about the realities.  As it was, there was still plenty of time for that.

However, then I found not only was I working 30 hours but I was caring for mom AND for George.  Over time we did find some part time help for mom so I could have a little breathing room.  Our morning caregiver, Olive, was a godsend.  We could count on her day after day, week after week, month after month.  We had a harder time retaining an evening caregiver.  There were times I left work, picked up Mom from daycare, brought her home, fed her, then went and fixed dinner for George and myself, and then back to Mom’s until her bedtime (fortunately she liked to go to be early enough!).  For short periods of time, that was acceptable. 

But then, George broke his neck… and then his belly started causing problems.  So we found a place for Mom to live so I could be available for him.  And then came surgery number two where I literally lived at the hospital for three weeks – and then needed to stay home for another few weeks because of the level of care.  I reduced my hours to twenty a week.  This meant I was doing a 40 hour a week job, first in 30 hours a week and now in 20 hours a week.  No pressure there!  However, I’d learned how to make the data entry easier and quicker so, though at times I was very busy, I could manage. 

This second surgery showed us just how quickly things can change with cancer and it wasn’t long before I was considering how or when to leave my job.  I do believe that God speaks to us… and I think he began long before I was aware of it.  Already putting things in place.  God of Grace… He knows what we will need before we do. 

By the end of our Christmas break, I began getting “nudges” from God.  “It’s time.”  When I drove to work on January 3^rd, I felt like a parent who went to work and left their child at daycare for the first time.  I cried.  Leaving George home was hard that day.  I know, it sounds silly, but I just felt “off”. 

As the weeks progressed I found myself thinking about it more and more.  We did hire a receptionist type person who knows how to work with computer data entry.  Was I really thinking I was training my replacement?  After all, much of the work she was doing to help me in my job was the EXACT same things I’d been doing when I volunteered!  How ironic is that?  Was this God putting somebody where they needed to be - - for ME?? 

By the end of February I concluded that it was time to leave – and then the final nudge with the exact date.

Now, here it is.  The beginning of the end.  Down to the final few days.  I’ve been training someone to do my computer data entry and reporting workload for about 6 weeks.  I’ve told the clients I am leaving – at least leaving my paid post as staff.  At this point I fully intend to stay on as a volunteer as I can.

But in a mere few days I will be saying goodbye to a job that has been my refuge.  I will be leaving staff who have become like family to me.  We have been a SUPER team together. 

And I am stepping off into the next part of this journey.  I will have opportunities (God willing) to make new memories with George while I can.  I will also be able to respond to his needs without having to think about whether or not I can get work done, without having to worry about having to wake up and work after spending the night in the emergency room.  Freeing.

I have some grandiose plans in place so I have no fear about being bored.  I have three separate fundraisers planned – all requiring time but which can be done no matter where I am.  I have a couple of projects at home that I haven’t been able to get to as well. 

So, here I go – ending one chapter of my life, beginning another.  Life cycles.  That’s how life is.  I’m ready…. Ready…. Set…. Go!