The C Word – A New Battle Day 288 - Proactive versus Reactive

Proactive by definition:  adjective - (of a person, policy, or action) creating or controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than responding to it after it has happened.

Reactive by definition:  adjective - acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it.

I was thinking about these two words today and how they apply to me.  I am, by nature, more passive than aggressive (most of the time J ).  So as life happens “to” me, I respond to situations as best that I can.  After all, I cannot always control my environment.  We like to think we do, but we don’t.  

That suggests that I am, perhaps, always having to be reactive. 

These past four (or more likely 8) years have put that to the test more frequently.  Dealing with a mother-in-law with progressive memory loss and then a husband with not only a rare cancer but also a rare spinal disorder.  Coupled with the surgeries required to keep things at a manageable level for George, this has meant constantly juggling my needs, his needs, his mom’s needs and the needs of my job.

It’s not that we haven’t tried to be proactive – tried to get ahead of the curve.  We have done so to the best of our ability.  But every time we think we have pulled ahead, something else happens and our ability to be reactive happens once again.

I think this is God’s way of keeping us on our toes.  “Ha ha!  You think you are in control!  Ta dah!  No you are not!”

Now that I am “retired” again, one of my goals is to try to be proactive – at least in one sense.  Now that we know that Mom will not move home again, we can convert her apartment back into being a part of the whole house.  We had converted what was the master bedroom into her living/dining area which included kitchen cabinets and a sink.  Now I have decided that it is time to re-convert it back into a master bedroom which will enable George and me to move downstairs.  And to make it happen before it is critical for it to happen.  You know, proactive! 

Poor George has spent so much time living on the recliner in the living room, especially in the past 16 months.  Mostly after he broke his neck and had surgery – and then his second CRS surgery with recovery.  I think I calculated that he slept downstairs in the living room for somewhere in the range of 8 out of 12 months from December 2015 through November 2016 in his recliner.  By moving in to a downstairs room, the inability to climb the stairs won’t be an issue.

I also need to be more proactive where my own health is concerned.  Between work and George and whatever else was thrown my way in recent months, I put that on the back burner.  Now, since I’m not working, I hope to take more charge of my health.  Try to get out and exercise more – and now that I have daytime hours available I think I can do this.  I also need to stop eating like George’s diet (low fiber, high carb) and do more to ensure that I get healthy again.  I’ve put on ten pounds this past year from all the stressors in life and my inability to get myself back on track.  Time to be proactive…. Because I need to be healthy as life will continue to throw more curveballs at me to throw me off balance.  I need to be ready to take on the challenges. 

Lastly, I also figured that it was time to investigate palliative care for us.  Since we are in continual “watch and wait” mode with this cancer, there is nothing in the way of cancer treatments.  There are, however, things we can do to lessen some of the low lying symptoms that this cancer brings to the table. 

“The World Health Organization of palliative care is “Palliative care is an approach that improves the quality of life of patients and their families facing the problem associated with life-threatening illness, through the prevention and relief of suffering by means of early identification and impeccable assessment and treatment of pain and other problems, physical, psychosocial and spiritual. Palliative care:

·         provides relief from pain and other distressing symptoms;

·         affirms life and regards dying as a normal process;

·         intends neither to hasten or postpone death;

·         integrates the psychological and spiritual aspects of patient care;

·         offers a support system to help patients live as actively as possible until death;

·         offers a support system to help the family cope during the patients illness and in their own bereavement;

·         uses a team approach to address the needs of patients and their families, including bereavement counselling, if indicated;

·         will enhance quality of life, and may also positively influence the course of illness;

·         is applicable early in the course of illness, in conjunction with other therapies that are intended to prolong life, such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy, and includes those investigations needed to better understand and manage distressing clinical complications.”

Proactive – stay ahead of the things we can – be informed of what our options will be as the cancer progresses.  Be ready for those times we need to react to symptoms. 

Seeking palliative care can be uncomfortable.  We like to think that we are doing well and fully capable of making decisions.  Most of the time I’m sure we are.  It is, however, nice to have added team members who can help us maneuver this uncharted territory because, to them it is not uncharted.  They are familiar with dealing with various aspects how cancer affects people.  It’s a comfort to know they are a phone call away now that we have initially reached out. 

Are we ready to use them?  Maybe not this minute.  We don’t know exactly when.  We are sitting on a fence, waiting for it to collapse.  We could change our minds.  We now know what is available at least.  That’s as proactive as we can be right now…  Until it is time to be reactive.