The C Word – A New Battle Day 271 - Turn off the Tunes!

I go through phases throughout this journey where I have sleepless times, fitful sleep.  I may fall asleep quickly at first.  But, nearly every night I awaken to use the bathroom at some point.  Somewhere between 2 and 4AM this will happen. On good nights, I can fall right back to sleep.  Other nights, sleep eludes me.  Sometimes I will try to fall back to sleep, other nights I will give up and maybe pull out my Kindle for an hour or two until I get tired again.  Once in a while I go downstairs and watch TV.  Anything to kill time while I hope to fall asleep at some point for just a bit longer.

Last night was one of those nights. I crept back to bed after using the bathroom.  Then, “it” happened.  I got a tune stuck in my head that just would not stop.  I confess that I listen to Praise and Worship music quite a bit.  It’s background music softly playing.  I admit that I also am not very good about learning words to music.  Even ones I listen to a hundred million times.  I know phrases, maybe refrains, but mostly just bits and pieces.  And last night this one small bit kept drumming in my brain over and over and over again. I didn’t know the name of the song, I only know part of the tune from memory.  It was driving me bonkers.  I tried to think of other things or ‘hum’ something else.  But this tune kept coming back to haunt me.  Just this one part, one phrase and, upon looking it up when I awoke this morning, I didn’t even have the phrase correct.  But it matched the tune so what the heck! 

Anyway, because this small piece of music insisted on making itself known all morning long, I didn’t get a lot of sleep.  I may have dozed off, I may have fallen asleep and not known it.  But every time I came to consciousness, the same thing kept happening… over and over and over.

I looked up the song by googling the partial phrase I thought was part of the song.  Luckily Google is good at picking up on inaccuracies!  The song was “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns.  As I read the lyrics, I couldn’t help but think that once again God is sending me messages.  Here are the words:

Who am I, that the lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am
But because of what you've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling
And you've told me who I am
I am yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am
But because…

So here I am, on this Easter Sunday, with God “screaming” at me all night long!  The only part of the melody my feeble tired brain even knew all night was “You (I) are (am) a flower quickly fading” and something about blowing in the wind.  (See how bad I am at knowing words!) 

God is telling you and me that He is there to catch us, to watch over us.  He hears us when we call no matter how loud the outer forces of our lives are.  He must know that I need this reminder.  I didn’t know I needed it. 

And it is appropriate for this Easter Day when we are reminded what Jesus did on the cross for us. 

I am grateful that we were able to go to church today and worship with others, receiving Holy Communion as a congregation.  It was made even more special because my brother and sister in law (Edd & Ingrid) joined us for this celebration service.  We have a little more time to spend with them, one more day, until they head back to Thailand. 

Thankfully, there were some great hymns at church today so I think Casting Crowns will be quiet for a bit.  I hope so!  Because I could use some good sleep!