The C Word – Day 9 False Hope or Real Answers

It is the morning of Day 9.  Most of my thoughts were written last night before going to bed.

 After speaking to George’s sister over the weekend, she went home and contemplated the news about his cancer. She then remembered that she’d seen the news some time ago about the unusual number of people affected by cancer or cancer related illnesses who lived at Camp LeJeune in the late 1950’s through the 1980’s.  Apparently there was a lot of ground contamination resulting in unusual cases of cancer in people who never drank, smoked, etc.  George and his family lived there in at least 1957 and 1958.  They lived on the very street in question of being contaminated.

This could be part of our answer.  This could be the root of George’s rare and unusual cancer.  This could be something the doctors can look into.  There are fifteen types of cancer that are related to residing at Camp LeJeune and an application to the government can result in assistance with out-of-pocket expenses.  It can’t fix the fact that he has cancer, but it may provide a source for help financially should we need it.

One of the cancer’s noted was lymphoma. This was also one of the “guesses” that the general doctor gave us in his office.  We know this is treatable.  It may be an arduous process but it is treatable.  If this is indeed the problem, there is hope. 

While it will be a few more days before we find out IF there has been progress in making a conclusion as to what type of cancer has, we want to grasp for any hope that we can that this is a treatable and/or curable cancer.  Stuck in this limbo, this wait and see period of time is difficult at best.  Friday may not even bring us all the answers we need.  There will be more tests, more waiting rooms, more waiting. 

I did not have a song in my head when I woke up this morning. This is probably due to the fact that I left the television on as some video valium for George should he awaken during the night.  Once I got up and got ready to get back to the gym, a verse came to me – and then the song started playing in my head.  How appropriate it is for my thoughts from last night about being not the Rock, but the assistant Rock!

Hymn #370 
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: 1 Timothy 1:1

1.  My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

We ask continued prayer for some relief for George’s anxieties.  He is not sleeping well.  He is eating a little more, although somewhat reluctantly at times.  Lurking over his shoulder is this constant anxiety.  Through your prayers and my faith I have been able to get some rest these past few days.  Again, it all boils down to how the two of us have always viewed life.  His glass half empty, mine half full.  I prefer to believe that we will be okay – and if that proves to not be the case I will “buck up” and battle this.  While I can be his physical “rock” (something he can hold on to, right here and right now), the real rock is the power of God. 

Truth be told…. I had a hard time today as well.  Not sure why.  Probably the fact that “D” day for “C” day is closing in on us.  Please pray for both of us, for strength and courage to get through not only the next few days but whatever comes after that as well.

Thank you for following our story.  Some may ask why I chose to do this.  My answer is multi-faceted.  First, journaling/blogging is a good way for me to work through issues, problems, etc.  By putting them in “ink” so to speak I can better visualize things and process them.  Secondly, my story may help someone else cope.  Thirdly, this is a passive, non-intrusive way for friends and family to follow us on the journey.  I don’t have to make tons of phone calls to keep people posted on how things are going.  And lastly, my readers will know exactly how they can help – praying, calling, visiting, etc.  I am hoping that you will know, by my posts, when we can use you the most  - as there may be times when I will not know or recognize the signs.  So, thank you for reading, supporting, and caring.  We love and appreciate all of you.