The C Word – Day 4 Huge Disappointments

Well, last night was a bit easier.  We both managed to get some sleep.  The darkness was not as foreboding.

George had a busy schedule this morning taking care of some things and I had my normal very busy Wednesday work schedule.

But the end of the day was hard… very hard.

I placed a call to the doctor who will be George’s oncologist to see if we could still take our vacation.  He gave me a pretty resounding “no”.  You might postpone it but I wouldn’t go anywhere right now.  This cancer is pretty serious.

I am crushed.  I have spent so much time looking forward to this trip, planning this trip.  A weekend full of reunions of people I haven’t seen in years.  High school reunion that I helped to organize.  College room mate reunion where all of us would be together for the first time in over 30 years.  A family reunion to see my siblings, some cousins, my favorite aunt.

Gone….

It appears that vacations and me just are not meant to happen.  Last year during our vacation one of our daughters was going through a crisis and we spent a lot of time on the phone trying to handle that and still have somewhat of a vacation. 

In 2012 I was looking forward, much like this trip, to spending two weeks with family and more specifically, my mom.  Just days before I was to leave she died.  Vacation turned into clearing out the house, planning and holding a memorial service.

WHY!!!  WHY!!!  Today I am having a serious WHY ME? down in the doldrum time. 

Instead of a vacation I will be taking George to various procedures to deal with this “C” thing.  AND still taking care of his mom…. What is the meaning of this?  My patience is sorely being tested right now.  Who knows when I will get a vacation? 

Perhaps the golden nugget is this… George now owes me a vacation… and I told him that if and when he pulls through this he is going with me on my dream vacation of a cruise in Europe during the Advent Season (2015?).  And I refuse to take him “in a box”. That is what I want to plan. 

Pastor Rod paid a visit tonight to talk with us, to pray with us, to commune with us.  We have a tough road in front of us.  God will get us through this – but we cannot foresee what His plan is. 

Tomorrow we have the first of our procedures – a paracentesis.  They will use ultrasound to guide a needle to pull fluid for testing.  It will be a week before we meet for the results.  Another week of waiting… and while we wait we will be cancelling our travel plans.  Today was a sucky day.  That’s just the way it is.   I am sure it won’t be the last… but I am sure we will have some good days in between some of these bad ones.