The C Word – A New Battle Day 306 - Phew! Time to relax….

Well, George ended up being in the hospital for about 5 days total.  On release, he was instructed to maintain a clear liquid diet for a few days.  Good thing I had jello made up and also had made some vegetable broth recently.  Finally, on the Friday after release he contacted Dr. B and asked his opinion.  Only thing is, it differed from the MD at the hospital.  She said “low fiber(residue) and low fat.  He said complex carbs.  Totally the opposite as far as fiber!! 

So, given that we had started to convert to complex carbs and they (so far) aren’t having a negative affect, we are sticking with that for now.  It means reading a lot of labels… and eating at home more often.  Still not an exciting diet as we are very careful with what is eaten. 

We met with the new oncologist to go over post-hospital bloodwork.  It appears that the pancreatitis has really calmed down and we can consider it pretty much gone.  Hallelujah.  What caused it is still an anomaly.  They didn’t see any signs that the pancreas was damaged (relief).  So if we are careful, hopefully it won’t happen again…. Unless the backup was caused by an unseen (and maybe had cleared itself by the time we went to hospital) blockage.  That is the unknown here. 

Being in the hospital for 5 days and subsequently not eating too much for nearly a week to ten days took its toll on George’s already low stamina.  We are now back to walking around a block – or maybe two, at least 5 nights a week. 

During the down time I kept busy preparing for a planned yard sale which was held today. We normally don’t do yard sales because they are too much work for the money – preferring to just donate to Goodwill or similar place.  But we wanted to raise money for Appendix Cancer/PMP and add to our fundraising efforts.   It was heartwarming to have people just walk by and hand us money for this cancer fundraiser without making a purchase.  Or not take their change.  We did very well today!  And… to boot, we just bagged or boxed the leftovers and a man came over to take it away to use for another fundraiser for the local high school.  I didn’t need to load my car up and to that!  WOW!  Double blessing!  There are a few remaining items on the curb and now I’ve listed those for free on a couple of website. Hopefully they will disappear in the next couple of days.  Otherwise I will have to disassemble and throw away a little bit at a time. 

Now… I am just sitting and relaxing.  To say I am exhausted would be an understatement.  The temps this afternoon were in the high 80’s – (this morning, though warm, was pleasant and there was a breeze).  Add to that is the fact I’ve been up and running around since 6AM. 

So, now I kick more into retirement mode.  No big plans.  More crafting.  Learn how to use Etsy and sell my homemade goods (yard sales are not a great venue for that).  That or sign up for a table at a craft fair for the fall.  One day I’ll learn how to just sit and watch TV without my hands being occupied with something else… One day!  Ha!  Just not any time soon!

And maybe, just maybe, George and I can up and do something just for fun - - a picnic, a walk, a short drive…. This is our time!

The C Word – A New Battle Day 294 - Rough Start to Retirement

Well, this is not exactly what I had expected as my “start” to re-retirement.  It’s only been six days since my last posting – and things went downhill rather quickly.

I ended up getting a cold/upper respiratory issue which knocked me down for a few days.  (So much for getting outside and finishing any planting!).  Had no energy because I couldn’t take deep breaths.

Finally, Saturday I started feeling better and started doing some crafting upstairs.  Downstairs, George was starting to get bad abdominal cramps.  By 3:30 we were on our way to the emergency room to figure out what is going on.

Over the course of the past few days, we are not much farther ahead than when we began.  The CT scan did not show any blockages, but there was still much pain.  They noted some anomalies with the pancreas and wanted to investigate further.  They admitted George that night.  Fortunately, we ended up in the post-surgical ward which is a place we are very familiar with and where I can spend the night. 

The next morning we are told that George might have pancreatitis… or a bile stone… or a blockage near where the liver and pancreas empty into the small intestine.  Treatment, pain meds and IV fluids.  Later in the day we find out that pancreas and liver enzymes were extremely high (pancreas at 5000 where normal is 50-300).  Just keep pushing IV and morphine. 

This morning the enzymes had come down quite a bit – but still abnormally high.  Although the doctors were thinking along the lines of having an ERCP (endoscopy procedure), they later ruled that out.  At least for now. 

This evening we were visited by a GI doctor.  According to him, he doesn’t believe it pancreatitis at all.  He thinks perhaps there was a small blockage.  Somewhere…. But blockages don’t always show up on scans.

So, here we sit after two days in the hospital and expect to be here at least a day or two longer as we wait this out.  My husband appears to be an anomaly – no one knows what the problem is!  As I said, we don’t know much more today than we did two days ago.

We DO know that the amount of cramping episodes has decreased, but still exist.  We DO know that the plumbing works.  We are grateful that, while nauseas at times, that’s all that ever took place. We are grateful that we have nowhere else we need to be right now.  So just kicking back.  This is the first time since all of this started that I have not been torn between two places.  (work, grandma, home, kids, etc)  Not that we enjoy being here, of course, for no one likes to be in the hospital.

The plan is to perhaps start on a clear liquid diet tomorrow and test tolerance levels.  If that works okay, then on to soft foods.  At some point, we will get to go home.  Just not exactly sure when at this point. 

Hopefully, this will not be the trend for us!  Me sick… him sick… etc. etc. etc.  Just got retirement off to a rough start.  Things have GOT to go up from here… right?

The C Word – A New Battle Day 288 - Proactive versus Reactive

Proactive by definition:  adjective - (of a person, policy, or action) creating or controlling a situation by causing something to happen rather than responding to it after it has happened.

Reactive by definition:  adjective - acting in response to a situation rather than creating or controlling it.

I was thinking about these two words today and how they apply to me.  I am, by nature, more passive than aggressive (most of the time J ).  So as life happens “to” me, I respond to situations as best that I can.  After all, I cannot always control my environment.  We like to think we do, but we don’t.  

That suggests that I am, perhaps, always having to be reactive. 

These past four (or more likely 8) years have put that to the test more frequently.  Dealing with a mother-in-law with progressive memory loss and then a husband with not only a rare cancer but also a rare spinal disorder.  Coupled with the surgeries required to keep things at a manageable level for George, this has meant constantly juggling my needs, his needs, his mom’s needs and the needs of my job.

It’s not that we haven’t tried to be proactive – tried to get ahead of the curve.  We have done so to the best of our ability.  But every time we think we have pulled ahead, something else happens and our ability to be reactive happens once again.

I think this is God’s way of keeping us on our toes.  “Ha ha!  You think you are in control!  Ta dah!  No you are not!”

Now that I am “retired” again, one of my goals is to try to be proactive – at least in one sense.  Now that we know that Mom will not move home again, we can convert her apartment back into being a part of the whole house.  We had converted what was the master bedroom into her living/dining area which included kitchen cabinets and a sink.  Now I have decided that it is time to re-convert it back into a master bedroom which will enable George and me to move downstairs.  And to make it happen before it is critical for it to happen.  You know, proactive! 

Poor George has spent so much time living on the recliner in the living room, especially in the past 16 months.  Mostly after he broke his neck and had surgery – and then his second CRS surgery with recovery.  I think I calculated that he slept downstairs in the living room for somewhere in the range of 8 out of 12 months from December 2015 through November 2016 in his recliner.  By moving in to a downstairs room, the inability to climb the stairs won’t be an issue.

I also need to be more proactive where my own health is concerned.  Between work and George and whatever else was thrown my way in recent months, I put that on the back burner.  Now, since I’m not working, I hope to take more charge of my health.  Try to get out and exercise more – and now that I have daytime hours available I think I can do this.  I also need to stop eating like George’s diet (low fiber, high carb) and do more to ensure that I get healthy again.  I’ve put on ten pounds this past year from all the stressors in life and my inability to get myself back on track.  Time to be proactive…. Because I need to be healthy as life will continue to throw more curveballs at me to throw me off balance.  I need to be ready to take on the challenges. 

Lastly, I also figured that it was time to investigate palliative care for us.  Since we are in continual “watch and wait” mode with this cancer, there is nothing in the way of cancer treatments.  There are, however, things we can do to lessen some of the low lying symptoms that this cancer brings to the table. 

“The World Health Organization of palliative care is “Palliative care is an approach that improves the quality of life of patients and their families facing the problem associated with life-threatening illness, through the prevention and relief of suffering by means of early identification and impeccable assessment and treatment of pain and other problems, physical, psychosocial and spiritual. Palliative care:

·         provides relief from pain and other distressing symptoms;

·         affirms life and regards dying as a normal process;

·         intends neither to hasten or postpone death;

·         integrates the psychological and spiritual aspects of patient care;

·         offers a support system to help patients live as actively as possible until death;

·         offers a support system to help the family cope during the patients illness and in their own bereavement;

·         uses a team approach to address the needs of patients and their families, including bereavement counselling, if indicated;

·         will enhance quality of life, and may also positively influence the course of illness;

·         is applicable early in the course of illness, in conjunction with other therapies that are intended to prolong life, such as chemotherapy or radiation therapy, and includes those investigations needed to better understand and manage distressing clinical complications.”

Proactive – stay ahead of the things we can – be informed of what our options will be as the cancer progresses.  Be ready for those times we need to react to symptoms. 

Seeking palliative care can be uncomfortable.  We like to think that we are doing well and fully capable of making decisions.  Most of the time I’m sure we are.  It is, however, nice to have added team members who can help us maneuver this uncharted territory because, to them it is not uncharted.  They are familiar with dealing with various aspects how cancer affects people.  It’s a comfort to know they are a phone call away now that we have initially reached out. 

Are we ready to use them?  Maybe not this minute.  We don’t know exactly when.  We are sitting on a fence, waiting for it to collapse.  We could change our minds.  We now know what is available at least.  That’s as proactive as we can be right now…  Until it is time to be reactive.