The C Word – A New Battle Day 226 - Trusting Instinct

One of the things I have relied on over my life is to trust my gut instinct.  Sometimes these “instincts” are nudges from God.  Often I try to push them aside.  You know what they say, if you aren’t listening you may not hear what He is trying to tell you.

A few months back, just after the first of the year, I wrote about “Change is On the Horizon”.  In that note I indicated that I felt the time was coming for me to leave my job and spend time with George.  At the time, I did not know exactly when.  But I’d already felt one “nudge” from God.  Then, in February I felt it again.  Laying beside George one morning I felt in my “gut” that the time is coming soon.  As I lay there, I started to calculate when would be my last day at work.  Within a couple of days I knew exactly when I would give notice and when I would leave.

Ironically, on the exact same morning noted above, my boss/friend came to work rather frazzled.  She walked in my office and said, “Oh, thank goodness.  Your things are still on the wall.  I had a nightmare that I came to work and your walls were bare.”  I can’t begin to tell you how that made me feel.  I sat there stunned and offered up some response like, “nope, still here”.  I knew then and there that God was also preparing her for what was to come.  Some would chalk that experience up to coincidence… but I knew that it was a message from Above.

This decision does not come easily because as those close to me know, my job has been a lifeline for me these past four years.  It has been an escape from the drudgeries of boredom, a place where my soul has been fed, a reprieve and a place of respite that has given me strength to carry on with the often daunting tasks at home. 

However, I am listening to that “still small voice” that is telling me it is time for me to make preparations for what lies ahead.  While it would be great to say that George and I will have time to be spontaneous and do day trips, etc., I can’t say for certain that will be the case.  There have been times in the past when I thought, “Ah, freedom at last”… only to have the walls come tumbling in around me.  That could happen again.  I won’t get my hopes up just yet!!

So, today I turned in my 60 day notice.  Since I wear a lot of hats I want to have enough time to finish up some projects, tie up loose ends, and give as much training as I can to those who will be covering the job.  Come April 28, 2017 I will depart from work and begin the job of caring more for George. And often just “being there” for him to bridge the gaps of loneliness that I know he must feel being home all day long.   Between now and then I have a lot of ground to cover at work and some to start at home. 

Not working will allow me the ability to act at a moment’s notice without care as to how many other lives it will affect.  I won’t have to worry about work related issues or reports and how will I get it all done.  I will have one soul purpose.  To respond to and be available for my husband to whom I pledged “in sickness and in health” for as long as is needed.

Instinct…. God messages…. It’s so important to listen.