The C Word – A New Battle Day 172 - Changes on the Horizon

I enjoyed very much having time off during the holidays.  I was busy yet not so busy that I couldn’t enjoy the festivities.  For the first time in years I did not have a mother-in-law to care for on actual holidays (a source of constant interruptions to the day).  And for the first time in 3 years George was doing well enough to participate and enjoy the day as well.  I wanted to capture those moments as I have the sense that this is the last time we will be able to enjoy the holidays this way.  I can feel change on the horizon. 

We enjoyed time with the granddaughters for several days, taking them to the movies, to a museum, to Dairy Queen and Baskin-Robbins for treats, even ice skating for a short bit with “cousins”. We thoroughly enjoyed a nice dinner at Pino’s Trattoria for New Years’ Eve with Keith and Bonnie and pretty much agreed that the chosen movie was not all that great.  But getting out on a double-date was wonderful as the past few years we have had to adjust either because of George or his mom. 

As I headed back to work on January 3rd, I couldn’t help but feel that I was leaving my “child” at home.  Now, I know George is not my child but as I drove towards work I had the same feeling I had when I left my child at daycare or at school for the first time.   I felt guilty leaving him home by himself as I know he fares better with me being nearby.  I reflected on where life has been and where it is going. 

Four years ago this month is when I walked through the doors of the Blind Center.  My reasons for volunteering at that time had everything to do with where I was at that point in my life.  Having lost my mom months earlier I had lost a sense of purpose.  George was working full time and I had too much time on my hands.  Within months things morphed and I found myself working there. 

Now, my husband is home alone while I leave for work.  And I can’t help but feel that I am supposed to be there with him.  And I also know that there are things going on in the workplace that will bring about change.  While I don’t know where that will go, I feel that God is already putting things in place so that I can make changes as well.  “When God closes a door, he opens another.”  I feel the nudge, the tug, the pull.  I love my job.  But I am getting signals and signs that change is coming. Decisions that I must make.  And I am okay with that.  Changes on the horizon. 

At home I feel we must do some renovating and turn mom’s apartment back into bedrooms so George and I can move downstairs.  Our bed won’t fit in the space that was mom’s bedroom which means we must take apart the cabinets and make the “living room” back into the master bedroom.  George is fighting me on this a little bit, but I feel that the time will come when going up the stairs will not be as feasible as they currently are.  And I would rather convert the room while I have the time and energy rather than wait until it is urgent.  Change is on the horizon.

While I would pray for a laid-back, easy going 2016, the truth is that is not likely to be the case.  2017 is likely to be another topsy-turvy roller coaster year.  I feel so fortunate that we made it through one entire holiday season with nothing catastrophic (other than the fact the George’s mom fell twice and was in rehab for the season – but the fact that I don’t have to worry about her since she is in facilities has been wonderfully freeing for me).  My gut instincts tell me that change is on the horizon – and I need to prepare myself at home and at work for these changes. 

"For A Moment"

Peace be still you are with me
In this hope I abide
Jesus be my sustainer
Strengthen me in this trial

And I know, it's only for a moment
And everything is working for your glory
But I need, your perfect love to hold me
Safe within your promise
Til the storm has passed

When this burden is lifted
I'll give thanks to your name
But until it is finished
I'll give praise just the same

For we have this hope
As an anchor for our soul
You are with us
We will never be alone

************* 

I Surrender All

Israel Houghton

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

All to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus take me now

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Saviour
I surrender all

All to Jesus I surrender
Make me Saviour wholly Thine
Let me feel the Holy Spirit
Truly know that Thou art mine

All to Jesus I surrender
Lord I give myself to Thee
Fill me with Thy love and power
Let Thy blessings fall on me

All to Jesus I surrender
Now I feel the sacred flame
Oh the joy of full salvation
Glory glory to His name

I surrender the future to Him who knows all things.  I pray and know that he is already working in my life – in George’s life – in our family.