The C Word – Round 3 – Unexpected Setbacks

Oh my gosh.  The past five weeks have been filled with a lot of turmoil. 

George developed fissures after Round One and we had to go see Dr. Bastidas.  He recommended sitz baths, Ativan and Imodium.  We tried those but things got only slightly better.  After Round Two when things started getting worse again, I put in a call to Dr. B for suggestions.  He suggested more Imodium and Ativan and sitz baths.  You see, George is so tired, we didn’t do these things consistently the first time.  Finally, two days before Round Three, he was feeling well.  Things were nearly normal.  Not a lot of pain.  Yeah!  We thought things were finally under control.

Butttttttt….. no that was not to be the case.  During Round Three things started getting bad again.  Really bad.  So we ramped up again on the meds on Friday and Saturday…. But now we have the opposite problem. 

George woke up this morning with cramping.  And feeling cold.  Uh oh… dehydrated!  I had to remind him that he needed to drink MORE water when he is taking Imodium but since he sleeps all the time he hasn’t been drinking.  He though I was being mean but I said either you drink fluids or I will take you to the ER and have them give you IV fluids…. Your choice.  He opted for the first.  I set up Alexa to remind him to drink water every hour – that way I didn’t have to do it all the time.  I also marked the water bottles in order to get him to drink more than a few sips each time.  By the end of the day he was only slightly better - - tomorrow we will do more of the same!!  I have so many alerts on my calendar to make sure he takes meds, drinks water, eats, etc.  I’m glad “Alexa” can help me out with some of those reminders! 

I am struggling with getting him to move.  One of the things that will help is walking – but he says he is too tired and weak to walk.  However, when you don’t get up and move you do get weaker so you have to fight that.  It takes energy to make energy. 

Cancer plays a huge head trip, that is for sure.  George is so caught up in a cycle that he can’t get out of it.  We did finally meet the palliative care team last week and he has started on anti-depressants (low dose for now) to help combat it.  It takes a few weeks to start working fully.  So far they haven’t appeared to do anything for him.    

It is like he can’t catch a break.  Out of the past 5 weeks he has literally only felt good for about 6 days total.  The rest of the time he has had one pain or another.  He has slept more and more.  He can’t keep his eyes open during the day so even if he’s not sleeping he is just laying in his chair with his eyes closed!  The house is so quiet all of the time! 

I was expecting a few days during each cycle of this – but it has literally taken over his life.  And I feel like he has succumbed to this and can’t pull himself out of it.  He doesn’t have the energy to fight it.  He has a hard time eating, much less drinking, to keep his body not only with the right nutrients but to also flush the chemo out of his body more quickly.  And, just when things start getting better he goes back down and each time seems to sink lower and lower.

I sure hope the anti-depressant drugs will kick in soon.   Mental state has a huge effect on physical state.  He desperately needs something good to happen!!

I do have some positive news – On his birthday he actually was having one of the good days of his chemo cycle.  He got phone calls and visitors that day which cheered him up quite a bit.  Yesterday, Stephanie came down and presented him with a book of well wishes from a lot of different people in celebration of his 65^th birthday.  Our kids and some grandkids were here to celebrate with him.  He was not having a great day but was awake to at least enjoy his gifts.

Our granddaughters are here this week for VBS and I sure hope he at least will have a day or two that he feels good enough to engage with them and make some memories with them.  I am enjoying their laughter and playfulness, even riding my bike while they ride their scooters so we all get some fresh air.  They are great kids.

In two weeks we will have the first CT scan to see if the chemo is working.  Not sure what we will do if the chemo is not working.  So many things to think about.  Cancer is hard work for the patient and the caregiver. No matter what choices we make, they will require hard work and determination. 

We are told that “God never gives us anything we can’t handle.”  He must think we are mighty strong sometimes!  Or He just has a warped sense of humor!