The C Word – October 18, 2017 - Mixed Thoughts

Ever have days when there are so many thoughts just running around in your head?  Yep, have one of those today.

Pensive thoughts:  I recently made some blankets for two great-nephews and their mom.  She had requested a “replacement blanket” for her younger son.  She said, “You made him a blanket with monkeys on it and he carried it with him everywhere but I kept cutting off pieces as it wore out until none was left.  He asked me for a new one and said it had to be handmade because then it was filled with love.”  Truth be told, I don’t remember making that blanket.  I make blankets all the time, some for specific people and some not.  One made eight years ago, I don’t remember.  I asked him what sorts of things he liked and she gave me a few ideas.

Off to the fabric store I went.  Perusing all the bolts to find just the right one, I found one I thought would work.  Then I decided that I should make one for the older great-nephew – he is named after Mike after all.  I’d had a brief exchange with his mom to ask how he was doing as I was concerned by some of the postings I had seen.  She said he was fine and was just a busy teenager.  So, not knowing what things he liked I walked down the aisle of fabrics.  One with wolves called out to me and I took it but continued looking.  I almost put it back but ended up going with my first impulse.

Before sending the blankets, I typed up notes for the boys.  The one for Michael I decided to include some thoughts on his uncle.  I wrote, “.  I was somehow drawn to this fabric of wolves.  I wanted to choose something special for you.  As I was making it, I thought of your Uncle Mike, for whom you were named.  He was like a wolf in some ways.  He was fiercely protective of his family.  He travelled in packs.  He was strong.  He adapted to climate in the way a wolf does from season to season.”  I then went on to describe some of the things that made Mike “Mike”. 

Two days later I received an excited message from Cody with pictures of the younger nephew, Blake, with his new blanket.  She told me that the other blanket would be given to Michael when she saw him – and then she confided some problems that he had been dealing with.  The next morning she told me that Blake had the best night sleep with no night terrors thanks to the blanket I’d sent.  Apparently he’d been having problems after having to give up the last blanket.  A few days later I received a note and picture with Michael and his new blanket.  He asked “How did she know I liked wolves?”  I told her that I did not know and that Uncle Mike must have been speaking to me at the fabric store as I kept going back to the wolf fabric. 

Lesson learned:  Listen to your gut instinct.  I have a feeling that my description and comparison of the fabric in regards to Uncle Mike may be very helpful to his namesake.  I pray that whatever problems he is having that he have the same tenacity that Mike had when it comes to determining his future.  Also, live your life as role models.  You never know when you are making an impact on someone else.  I certainly had no idea that a simple thing I had done years ago had made a significant impact on someone!

Sad thoughts: Some of the postings coming through our PMP group are informing the group that their cancer has returned and they are having huge issues right now.  And some are coming through to let us know that their loved one has lost the fight after three, four, five or more years of struggling to survive.  My heart breaks when I read those.  Some I have followed and they have been seeking chemo or surgery alternatives to gain a stronghold.  Yet their disease persists.  Others I don’t recall seeing their stories, but when they post tributes you feel as though you know them.  We all wish we could reach out and hug and hold these people – these people who are part of our lives because of this horrible “C” word.

Happy thoughts:  At the same time there are those reporting that their tests or scans are showing “clear”, or NED (no evidence of disease).  They are excited but also apprehensive as their doctors tell them that they don’t need scans as regularly as before (when you are used to doing them every 3-6 months and all of a sudden that gets lengthened, you are scared that the disease will come back and you won’t catch it on time).  We are happy for those people yet we don’t know what that feels like – as we’ve never had the opportunity to be declared NED. 

Lesson learned:  Appreciate each moment we have, happy or sad.  Acknowledge them.  It’s all part of life.  Pray for everyone!

Creative thoughts:    I am loving being creative with my totes, blankets, and so on.  So many things I want to try to make!  And I’ve been getting donations of jeans, jean pockets, other clothing, etc.  So many things and so little time, LOL!  I try to start and/or complete at least one thing a day.  My sewing room has become my “happy room” as I get to create some fun projects with the ultimate goal of raising money for cancer organizations!

Lesson learned:  Have fun, find your passion!!

Thankful thoughts:  I am thankful for family and friends – for time spent together.  I am thankful that we occasionally reach out to our church shut-ins and especially grateful that we acted on visiting a couple of them in recent months – not knowing that their passing would be just weeks later.  We are glad we had the opportunity to spend time with them.  I am thankful that we’ve had time to spend with close friends recently, sitting and catching up.  And thankful that George has been relatively stable in recent weeks so that we’ve been able to get out and about.  We had a good weekend away at the PMP conference.  We were able to spend a couple of hours each day getting out and relaxing and, while it wasn’t the normal week long vacation we’ve done in the past, it was enough time to give ourselves a little morale boost.   

Lessons learned:  Do not wait until tomorrow to spend time with loved ones.  We do not know when the end is near.  Take the time to pick up the phone or hop in the car to call on others.  Have no regrets!  Appreciate little moments spent together.

Yes, today ran the gamut of emotions.  I am grateful that I can write them down as that gives me the opportunity to acknowledge them, appreciate them, and deal with them as needed.  They become a little less jumbled when I can do this!