The C Word – A New Battle Day 343 - Almost Normal? What?

Five weeks since I last did a posting here.  As I sat and looked at the date and number of days – last year at this time we had probably just decided on a surgery date which was put into place quickly as George was having small bowel obstruction (SBO) symptoms over the first few weeks in June.  We are coming up on the anniversary of the second surgery…. The one where things did not go as planned.  In August it will be three years since the initial diagnosis. 

The way our lives have changed over the past three years is so unimaginable.  Hardly a day goes by that it isn’t on our minds – sometimes just a little, other times a lot.  Dietary changes.  Habit changes.  Emotional changes.  For George, huge physical changes. 

I have learned not to plan too far out in the future because I don’t know what will happen between now and then.  We plan in shorter increments – days or perhaps a few weeks.  But always… always in the back of our minds is a backup plan should things not go according to our plan. 

In fact, at the end of May I had ordered tickets to see Celtic Women at a local theatre.  Two days before the concert we headed to the emergency room as George was experiencing pain.  The whole time we were there I was trying to figure out what to do with the tickets should he end up in the hospital again – (a) go with someone else or (b) give the tickets away.  Fortunately, this time, the ER was brief as whatever was going on cleared itself up in a few hours.  This time….

Unlike last June, this June has been going fairly well.  Well enough that George has even been helping with some of the home renovation project going on.  What started as a “simple plan” to re-convert the mother-in-law suite back into a master bedroom has turned into a major project.  George decided that all of the interior doors should be replaced, including all the closet doors in the 4 bedrooms.  That’s a total of 18 doors (4 sets of sliding doors for closets plus bedrooms, hall/linen and furnace closet and interior garage door).  A friend from church is doing the majority of the heavy lifting and work.  We are doing all the painting.  And, new carpet arrives at the end of this week.  With any luck, the work will be done by mid-July.

George has been pushing himself quite a bit to get things done. Most nights he is pretty tired – even exhausted.  His belly is not used to being in upright positions for long periods of time – so he feels more achy than usual.  Still watching what he eats.  Since the beginning of May he has lost another fifteen pounds because he cannot tolerate eating too much at a time.  That worries me some.  If he continues on a downward trend for much longer we will speak to the surgeon about options. 

While things are relatively calm, I have been busy crafting – mostly sewing.  I managed to get an Etsy site up and running to sell my homemade goods.  My tag name is CAREAngelsCreations.  I rather like my little slogan.  CARE stands for Cancer Awareness Research and Education. Our team name for the fundraiser is PMP CARE Angels.  Trying to raise money for both ACPMP Research Foundation and PMP Pals Network.

Throughout the month I’ve also been busy running an online fundraiser – and getting ready for the celebration party in August when we’ll have a Silent Auction and raffle prizes, etc.  All in all, it appears to be going pretty well.  Nothing unmanageable at this point.  In a few weeks I will need to start shaping things up for the party.  “Places to go and things to do!” 

Since we are busy into home renovations, we haven’t taken time to do a picnic or anything like that.  It was also pretty hot for a few days so we were just slug bugs.  Soon we will have the twins with us – a weekend coming up and then a week for VBS.  Fun times with the kids.  This year I get to have fun with them as well since I am not working. 

As we head into summer, we try to remain upbeat.  … but always are on alert for whatever is coming next.  At times I wish we could be like grandma – not remembering what happened five minutes ago and not concerned about whatever comes next.  Whenever we go to see her she is ecstatic to see us!  It’s as if she is seeing us for the first time in years – not days.  I think we need to live like that - - to love each moment we have with our loved ones and just enjoy the here and the now.  I think we often forget about that.  We become so immersed in our own little world that we forget to live and enjoy precious moments.  When cancer enters your world, you realize what’s important.  But when cancer enters your world, you are sucked into a world unto itself.  You flitter about between two different worlds sometimes – enjoy moments when you have the opportunity – yet immersed in the physical realm that is sometimes overwhelming you can think of nothing else. 

For right here – and right now – I am grateful that this month has been as close to normal as we’ve had in quite awhile.  Yet, I find myself holding my breath, waiting, just waiting, for the tides to turn yet again.  They will, I know they will.  I just don’t know when.  That’s probably the hardest part about living in the “C” world.