The C Word – A New Battle 73 - Two years since first MOAS

It’s hard to believe that two years ago today was one of the longest days we’d experienced as George underwent the Mother of All Surgeries (MOAS).  The days leading up to this were filled with trepidation as we knew the stakes involved.  However, as the day evolved our hope was being restored.  When we heard that HIPEC was “a go”, a load was lifted from our minds.  Yes, it was a massive surgery and he came away with a few less organs, but the outcome filled us with renewed hope.

Over the course of the past two years we have had a series of mountains and valleys in not only the fight against this disease but life in general.  Each scan brought anxiety but everything appeared to be minimally invasive.  While we know that scans don’t show everything, we still wanted to believe that the disease was under control.  Instead, the cancer tumors had spread and the mucin, while not anywhere near what was found two years ago, was enough to cause a tangled mess inside George’s belly. 

In the middle of all this was George’s broken neck which forced us to move the cancer surgery out farther.  Would things have been better had we been able to have the surgery when we’d planned?  Or was there divine intervention that pushed it out?  We will never know the answer to that.

Now, two years later we find ourselves with rising levels of anxiety as we prepare to do more battle with the cancer.  We have so many questions, many of which cannot be adequately answered.  While we monitor statements, questions and thoughts posted on our PMP dedicated Facebook page we are filled with both hope and despair.  We have asked questions about Folfox chemo treatments – side effects and outcomes – and hear both ends of the spectrum.  For some it has stalled the disease or shrunken tumors, for others it did not do any good. Side effects range from nausea to neuropathy, most of them appears to be short-term which is good.  George is now experiencing some digestive issues stemming from the small bowel obstruction (SBO) he had last week. Little tweaks or pangs of pain cause stress because we don’t know if the SBO was from something getting caught up on an adhesion or from pressure of a tumor.  There are times George is so afraid to eat.  On the plus side, we did read a post about SBO’s where others have cut back to lots of liquids and movement such as walking when they feel as though a blockage is beginning.  He tried that yesterday and it appeared to work.

In the middle of all of this craziness we are trying to attempt some degree of normalcy.  We have had or have activities coming which give us something to look forward to.  We’ve gone to see a movie recently (Sully – great movie) and last night attended a San Francisco Giants game up in the city.  We took the train with some of the volunteers from the blind center, something I have never done and that George did many years ago.  Not only did George enjoy the outing, he even indulged in a hot dog.  And, thankfully, it appears to have gone through the digestive process pretty well. 

Although we do have fun things planned (an overnight trip to Monterey to attend the PMP Symposium to hear about latest news with his cancer, a surprise evening for me right after our anniversary and I have no idea what is planned, a dinner-dance for his high school reunion, a weekend away to watch the twins, and last, but certainly not least, renewing our wedding vows), we are painfully aware of the fragility of George’s situation and know that things can change quite rapidly. 

Life has become a series of trial and error, figuring out what is okay to eat or not, what level of activity can be tolerated or not.  It is a time of trying to take advantage of the moments when “life is good” while knowing full well that what lies under the surface is very, very scary. 

We have hope, yet it is a somewhat guarded hope.  While there are still a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of unknowns about treatments and whether or not they will work, we are not yet ready to give up on a future.  We will continue to do our best to make future plans and take advantage of moments given to us to enjoy time with others and with each other.  Life is precious. 

Reminds me of something I’ve read before and which appears to be circulating on Facebook again these days.  I do not know the origin of this piece.

Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course?
Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running!! Make the most of today.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.

To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.

To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.

To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present.