The “C” Word – Day 209 Vocabulary, relationships & revelations

We have learned a lot of new words in the past six months and they are becoming increasing intrinsic to us.  Every corner we turn, we see them.  We hear about them.  They bring emotions to the surface – sometimes joyous ones, sometimes frightening ones, sometimes downright angry ones.

We are learning new acronyms.  Things like:

PMP:  Pseudomyxoma Peritonei …. Cancer

HIPEC:  Hyperthermic Intraperitoneal Chemotherapy – one of the few treatments that works on PMP as well as CRS, Cytoreductive Surgery.

MOAS:  Mother Of All Surgeries.  So named because the surgery that must take place involves opening the belly and removing all evidence of disease. The surgery can take anywhere from 5-15 hours. In many cases it means taking out a number of “parts” such as spleens, gall bladders, appendix, colon and sometimes liver or parts of the stomach.

NED:  No Evidence of Disease.  Someone posting that they are celebrating five years NED.  Others posting they are praying that their next scan will show NED.  They want NED to be their BFF.  We, ourselves, are in this particular position with George having his first post-surgery CT scan last week.  We pray that it, too, shows NED.  As long as there is NED, we can keep positive thoughts and energy in our lives.  Should NED become ED, I am sure that will cast a shadow over our lives.

This last one, NED, we learned after joining a very active group on Facebook.  In order to be part of this group you have to have a relationship to PMP-Appendix cancer.  Trust me, if any one of these folk would have a wish it would be to not have a relationship to PMP.  While we may never meet the people who are “friends” on this page, having a place to go to post updates, challenges and prayers gives everyone a chance to connect and support one another throughout the journey of this particular cancer.  Because of the rarity of this cancer it is easy to feel isolated and alone as the treatment is different than that of most other cancers.  Finding others “just like you” leaves you feeling a little less isolated.

And then there is that one “small” six letter word that reverberates over and over again… CANCER.  It hangs heavy in the air at times, still has the ability to shake us to our core.  Unexpectedly it creeps in and seeks refuge in our heads or in our hearts.

It did that tonight.  We have a dear friend who has end stage prostate cancer. His name is Bernie. He and George have become buddies these past few years – all because George offered to put up a new light in their garage so they wouldn’t fall down in the dark.  Bernie is in his 90’s I believe.  He saw this act as a gift from God and every time we see him he gives George thanks and praise for his act of kindness.  Ever since then we have kept tabs on them and this relationship became even stronger after George’s surgery as Bernie called out of the blue one day to talk to George.  He asked how George was doing.  He had not heard about the cancer because he had not been to church in a while.  As it turns out, Bernie had been diagnosed with cancer as well and we had no idea.  So we make as much effort as we can to stay in touch with our friend and his wife.  We paid a couple of visits.  Phone calls are exchanged back and forth.  Bernie is in a lot of pain and discomfort and is ready to “see the face of Jesus”.  His biggest worry is what will his dear wife do without him – they have been married over 60 years.  I think if it weren’t for the fact that he is afraid she cannot live without him he would have given up long ago.  But he has been waging war with the “C” word. 

Our dear friend called tonight – presumably because he wanted to hear George’s voice.  He also wanted to let us know he was having some surgery on Wednesday and would be in the hospital for a few days.  He asked for prayers – and of course we will be praying for him. 

 Yet once the phone was placed back in its cradle all kinds of other emotions kicked into gear.  George became angry – he HATES the “C” word.  He hates what it has done to him – and to others.  Until this happened to him he did not understand how consuming this disease can be.  He hates that Bernie is in such pain.

Yet we also wonder if there was another reason that Bernie wanted to call George.  Should we be listening for the still small voice of God to figure out what it is?  A part of us is wondering if this is God’s way of letting us say goodbye to a dear friend – giving us opportunities for conversations – so that should the inevitable happen we will have no regrets about having stood by this wonderful, sweet man in his time of need these past few months.  The bond that Bernie and George share is special.  Bernie is always sharing words of God and even though he is in pain he is an ever faithful servant, giving words of encouragement to those around him.

We pray for the pain to be lifted from Bernie’s body – yet we know that this truly may not happen until he is in the arms of His Saviour.  One of his little daughters has been waiting for him for decades and he cannot wait to see her either – but he isn’t quite ready to leave his love here on earth.  He is torn between two “homes” all the time it seems.  We weep – because we love him and we feel his pain.  Every moment of time spent on the phone or with him is precious to us as we know it could be the last.

Here are some of our favorite memories of Bernie:

Hearing “Hallelujah” shouted out at the end of a particularly good hymn or song of praise at church (and then looking around the congregation and seeing people smile because they all know who it was that said it!)

Having him refer to the installation of the lightbulb in the garage as “a light from heaven”

Having him leave phone messages, always ended by him singing one of his favorite hymns

Getting wonderful, warm hugs each and every time we meet and part

George is more focused on relationships since being diagnosed with cancer.  He never realized how powerful they could be until he heard from so many people that prayed for him for those months following his diagnosis and throughout his days in the hospital and in recovery at home.  People he barely knew – many he does not know as the prayer chain circled the world. 

Like many of us, he feels so insignificant, unworthy of all the prayers – “Who am I that I deserve this attention?”

God knows him.  Just like God knows each and every one of us.  We know that God cares for the “lilies of the field” and for us who are also part of His creation.  We are not insignificant in His eyes.  There is a plan for us we just have to listen and be open to that plan when it is revealed.  God puts people in our path all the time – sometimes for a reason and sometimes for a season. 

I think God put Bernie in our path for a reason.  As I sat with George and wept with him over Bernie’s phone call, something occurred to me.  Their relationship started because of a $2 store item and a five minute job of installing a simple light bulb.  It really is the “little things” that make a huge difference to others.  While they are seemingly insignificant to us (A light bulb?), those little things can mean much more to someone else.  Maybe God doesn’t want George to take on a huge project in his “next life”…. Maybe he wants him to pay more attention to the small stuff.  Maybe he wants George to use his capable mind and capable hands to help the less fortunate with small tasks that make a huge impact on others. 

I think maybe there is something here for all of us.  My devotional today says that our real heart is revealed by what we do in secret when only the Lord is watching.  It is when we are doing the little things that do not call attention to ourselves that we receive eternal treasures.  It is in the smile we give to a stranger, the hug we give to a friend, the encouraging word we give to someone in times of despair.  It is in changing a light bulb for someone who cannot do it themselves. 

I couldn’t help but read the title for tomorrow’s devotional and realized that it, too, is sending a message to us.  It says that sometimes we forget that life is about the people and relationships that God has put around us.  We must not discount the value of others.  We need each other as friends, family or even just passing acquaintances in order to live successful lives.  The prayer reads, “Lord, help me know when it is time to drop the task and run to the relationship.” 

Hmmm… Is God using Bernie as a tool to reveal something to us?  I have no doubt about that. Thank you, Lord, for putting people in our path to enlighten us, to enliven us, to enable us to learn not only about them but about ourselves as well.  Thank you for our long time friends and for our “little while friends” (the ones who enter our lives only briefly but make an impact on us).  Help us to recognize the importance and significance of these relationships.  Amen.