The C Word – Farewell My Sweet George

It has been an incredibly long few days.  At 1:30 this morning we all finally decided to go to sleep.  George was breathing quick yet easy.  He wasn’t ready to go yet even though it was September 30 and the five year anniversary of his first cancer surgery.  We figured George was waiting for today so that he could say, “aha!  I made it to five years!”  We also thought he was playing a joke on me for when I made him wait a few extra seconds at the end of the aisle on our wedding day 17 years ago.  Practical joker that he is.

We all went to bed and went to sleep.  Sara slept lightly, of course, as she took on the role of eyes and ears.  Early this morning she heard me snoring and then stop.  She heard George take a breath.  And then she heard nothing.

I had woken briefly and also heard George take a breath.  Unbeknownst to me, it was his last one.  We quickly gathered the rest of the girls into the room.  After a few moments of holding him, I phoned hospice and got the ball rolling.  Although our clock said approximately 5:40AM – Time of death is posted at 6:16 when the hospice nurse arrived. 

As we awaited the Neptune Society to come by, we sat and talked.  I held George’s hand, his face.  I kissed him over and over.  Steph again placed herself by his left hand and held on.  It wasn’t until they came to pick up his body that she completely fell apart.  She did not want to let go of his hand.  Sara helped get her off the bed as I told her she did not want to be present for what was happening next.  Sara took her to the living room.  Becke stayed with me as we watched them wrap George up and wheel him out on the gurney.  We walked behind them and watched as they loaded him in the van.  It was then that I broke down sobbing.

It's over.  His pain is gone.  He’s whole again.  But boy will I sure miss him so much. 

And now my new life also begins.  Life without George.  I will be busy the next few weeks taking care of affairs. 

I am so grateful for my children who have been her loving on me and making sure I eat and drink (and I’m sure sleep).  This is a different loss than when Mike died.  It feels different – in a good way. 

I know that many friends will step in over the next few days, weeks and months.  They will help me make the transition.  They will help me make some decisions.  I have been waiting for so long to have some freedom to move about and go places and now I can do that.  I will do that with George in my heart and on my mind.  He would want me to keep going.  He prepared me for this.

Rest in peace, my sweet husband.  You are in the arms of the Angels and celebrating with those who went before.  I love you…. Forever and always.

Your Angelface