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It sounds
like such a big number, doesn’t it? 1,869.
That’s how many days it has been since I started this blog on August 9,
2014. In the world of cancer, that is a
huge number. Many Stage IV patients die
within weeks or months of diagnosis. We’ve
had five years. They’ve been five long
years of incredible twists and turns, of bottomless lows and mountaintop
highs.
And now,
here we are, getting ready for the final days when we shall remain here while
George gets his angel wings.
It is
surreal. To think that within perhaps days that George won’t be among us. That he won’t have the TV on non-stop during
the day tuned into CNN or REELZ TV, or watching The View and The Talk… even
enjoying watching my one soap, The Young and The Restless.
I won’t be
hearing, “Honey, can I have something to eat?”,
“Can you fill up my water cup?”, “Thank you for taking care of me today.”
I have been
longing to have my fully-functioning husband back for years now, but instead he
became more and more incapacitate. This
week he has stopped being able to write with a pen. That horrified me! The tremors and shaking
becoming more pronounced. Needing a hand
to hold to stand up, to walk and, at night, to just hold and give him a sense of
calm and peace.
All our
children are here (well, mostly). The
grandkids are here until Saturday morning.
Chris and Mandy will take their kids back to Roseville – leaving just
our daughters here for however long this takes.
So we can be together when George crosses over.
Yesterday
was a busy day not only with kids arriving but many visitors…. Too many
actually. George was a bit overwhelmed. Today we will have several hospice people
coming in – the nurse, maybe the hospice doctor, maybe a home health aide to
show me how to give a proper sponge bath. Friends, Larry, Jill & Joe are on the
schedule. Tomorrow the last of the
visitors I will allow will come, Hong and Jose.
After that, for our sake, we need to limit visitors to only family (and
those friends who are family to us).
This is our
sacred time. Our time to be present in
the moment, becoming aware of the signs that tell us George is ready to
leave. Ready to see Jesus and live on in
eternity. It is hard for us to let go of
his earthly body. Really hard. Hard because my “book” (blog) will come to an
end. Silenced by the one thing that was
necessary to keep it going.
Dear Dawn, George and the rest of my extended family, reading this of course made me cry. It is so heartfully written, full of strength, determination, and steadfastness. The love I feel as part of this family, makes not being there physically a very difficult thing but I am comforted in the knowledge that I know that you will know I am there in spirit. George. Thank you for taking such great care of Dawn and Becky and Sara with such unconditional love wild continuing to love your own daughters, and you did it with such finesse that they see in each other true family, a true sisterhood that will hold them together. When you spread your shimmering golden angel wings and fly home we all know that you will continue to guide and love this family. Thank you for loving me also. All my love, peace, Joy, comfort, and grace of goodness be with you all now and for always m
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